It was about a half hour into Pilates class tonight when we moved into the Rocker pose. We had been doing a lot of rolling type moves prior to that, but the Rocker is different in that you keep your legs spread wide open while you're rocking and rolling. It's one of those poses that makes you realize why yoga pants are so popular. If you weren't wearing them, you'd be sure to be giving the rest of the class a peek at your goodies.
I was mid-roll when I felt it: a little puff of air escaping my nether regions. Not from my bum. From my lady bits. A queef. A wave of panic rushed over me. Was that really what I think it was? I dropped my pose and looked around guiltily. Everyone else was still blissfully rocking away. Phew, no one had noticed. But, really, was that what I think it was? That's only ever happened after sexy time. Never during innocent Pilates! I cautiously lifted my legs back up and went into a roll. And then another slipped out. This one, too, was gracefully silent. I lowered my legs a bit. I didn't want to call attention to myself by outright stopping the pose, but I also didn't want any more little accidents to slip out. There's nothing like a queef to break the serenity of Pilates.
I first heard about queefs in 8th grade. There was a girl who was the recipient of the unfortunate moniker of Queen LaQueefah. How creative, right? Apparently, she earned the nickname after she queefed during sex with one of our classmates. In 8th grade! Good lord, I had no idea such things existed at that age. I can remember one of my friends telling me that you could make yourself queef. She tried to demonstrate by rolling on the floor with her legs in the air but wasn't successful. (Sidenote: Don't you just miss that age of discovery with your girlfriends? The finding out of scandalous things and instantly rushing to share your findings with your girlfriends? Ahh, those were the days.)
Anyway, HELLO! Legs in the air...rolling...rocking...no wonder it happened in Pilates class! I managed to get through the rest of class without any more incidents, but I was super anxious that another one would slip out. Bliss, my ass.
P.S. This picture totally cracks me up!! Love the tighty-whiteys!!
