In case my absence caused you to wonder if I'm pregnant, I can assure you that I'm not (as far as I know). My lack of writing is simply due to the fact that a) I can no longer blog at work (imagine that!), b) writer's block and c) the holidays have already worn me out! That first one has been a huge issue for me because not only can I not blog at work, I can't even access the internet unless I find an unclassified computer to jump on. Not that I would have time to anyway because my new job is keeping me super busy. It's good though. Even though half of the time I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, I've gotten some really wonderful praise from my clients and that reminds me that good customer service trumps lack of experience any day!
As for the writer's block, I used to do a lot of my writing in the morning, ahem, at work. (I swear I still got all of my work, and then some, done!) I never thought myself to be a morning person until a few years ago when I would find myself getting so much done before I left for the office. My mind is fresh in the morning and my energy and creativity comes so easily. It's been a hard transition for me to go from writing in the morning to writing at night. There is working out to be done and dinner to cook and by the time I finally get to sit down, I'm exhausted! I think it's also been hard since we've been living with my parents and I don't have my own writing space anymore. Luckily, that will be changing very soon so I hope to get back into a more regular blogging schedule.
Now that I explained all of that, back to the baby talk. Once again I find myself in that awful waiting period to see if this cycle of Clomid was successful. I feel really hopeful this time around because I finally got the second dark pink line on the ovulation test telling me that I ovulated. I've also been charting my temperatures and they are actually making sense instead of being totally random like they usually are. That's a good start, right? I'm so thankful that the waiting this month is during the holidays because I have a lot of things to distract me. As a side note, for anyone trying to conceive, I highly recommend the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I've been a faithful reader of it since we started last October and it's been really helpful in helping me understand my body and it's natural signs.
That all being said, even if we do get pregnant this cycle, I won't be announcing it here until after those critical first twelve weeks are over. Miscarriage has a way of making you gun-shy and cautious and above all else, incredibly scared of the what-ifs. It's terribly sad, but true. One of the wonderfully kind commenters on the post when I announced my miscarriage wrote, "It is so unfair when this happens to a couple, and I think when it happens in a first pregnancy it is double unfair. It takes away your innocence and the magic of pregnancy; it is a true robbery." Julia, you said it perfectly. Whenever we do get pregnant again, it won't be the same. We'll always be nervous and we'll always worry and we'll always remember the pain of losing our first.
I do so hope we get to experience it again soon, though. Despite all of my fears, nothing can beat that feeling of growing a new life inside of you.
