Despite the overwhelming joy of getting pregnant after a miscarriage, it's also absolutely terrifying. TERRIFYING. Adding to my anxiety is that the fact that my miscarriage in our first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage, which means I had absolutely no symptoms that I had lost the baby until they couldn't find the heartbeat at our 12 week check-up. Talk about being a hypochondriac...every little cramp or headache or twitch was (and is) enough to send me into a panic. I know all that stress isn't good for me or the baby so I've been trying my best to remain positive and have a "qué será, será" outlook, but it is extremely difficult!
Naturally, getting to the 12 week mark this time around was an even more important milestone for us and I swear I must have gone through an entire stick of deodorant leading up to our appointment. Even though we got to see the baby at my 8 week appointment, I just couldn't believe that he or she would still be there in a month's time. To finally see our little bebé kicking and floating around on that sonogram and to hear the heartbeat was utterly amazing and surreal and oh, so satisfyingly sweet. Definitely one of the best moments of my life.
And to think that Jonathan and I had pretty much counted this cycle of Clomid out. I was so disappointed because he was going to be out of town on business for the entire work week, right smack in the middle of my peak ovulation days. We tried anyway to catch it on the front end and the back end and my god, it worked because here we are, 14 weeks later with a baby on board. As I mentioned before, I am still incredibly anxious and I don't think that feeling will go away until I have this baby in my arms.
I hope to start back up with my Wednesday Bump Day updates mostly because I've been awful about taking pictures and documenting this pregnancy. I think this, too, goes back to anxiety and not wanting to jinx myself but I really want to have a written record of this most special time.
Thank you all for sticking with me and for your lovely comments on my last post!