La Petite Chic

Waiting and Wondering

In case my absence caused you to wonder if I'm pregnant, I can assure you that I'm not (as far as I know). My lack of writing is simply due to the fact that a) I can no longer blog at work (imagine that!), b) writer's block and c) the holidays have already worn me out! That first one has been a huge issue for me because not only can I not blog at work, I can't even access the internet unless I find an unclassified computer to jump on. Not that I would have time to anyway because my new job is keeping me super busy. It's good though. Even though half of the time I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, I've gotten some really wonderful praise from my clients and that reminds me that good customer service trumps lack of experience any day!

As for the writer's block, I used to do a lot of my writing in the morning, ahem, at work. (I swear I still got all of my work, and then some, done!) I never thought myself to be a morning person until a few years ago when I would find myself getting so much done before I left for the office. My mind is fresh in the morning and my energy and creativity comes so easily. It's been a hard transition for me to go from writing in the morning to writing at night. There is working out to be done and dinner to cook and by the time I finally get to sit down, I'm exhausted! I think it's also been hard since we've been living with my parents and I don't have my own writing space anymore. Luckily, that will be changing very soon so I hope to get back into a more regular blogging schedule.

Now that I explained all of that, back to the baby talk. Once again I find myself in that awful waiting period to see if this cycle of Clomid was successful. I feel really hopeful this time around because I finally got the second dark pink line on the ovulation test telling me that I ovulated. I've also been charting my temperatures and they are actually making sense instead of being totally random like they usually are. That's a good start, right? I'm so thankful that the waiting this month is during the holidays because I have a lot of things to distract me. As a side note, for anyone trying to conceive, I highly recommend the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I've been a faithful reader of it since we started last October and it's been really helpful in helping me understand my body and it's natural signs.

That all being said, even if we do get pregnant this cycle, I won't be announcing it here until after those critical first twelve weeks are over. Miscarriage has a way of making you gun-shy and cautious and above all else, incredibly scared of the what-ifs. It's terribly sad, but true. One of the wonderfully kind commenters on the post when I announced my miscarriage wrote, "It is so unfair when this happens to a couple, and I think when it happens in a first pregnancy it is double unfair. It takes away your innocence and the magic of pregnancy; it is a true robbery." Julia, you said it perfectly. Whenever we do get pregnant again, it won't be the same. We'll always be nervous and we'll always worry and we'll always remember the pain of losing our first.

I do so hope we get to experience it again soon, though. Despite all of my fears, nothing can beat that feeling of growing a new life inside of you.

Fingers Crossed

Whew!  Life has been a blur since last Thursday!  I'm resorting to bullet points...

• My spa day on Friday was absolutely perfect!  If you ever have the opportunity to have a hot stone massage, definitely go for it.  It was just like a regular full body massage, from my head to my toes, but with the added benefit of the heat and pressure from the stones.  AMAZING!  It was such a great way to relax after all the recent stress and craziness in my life.
  
  My haircut was scheduled after my hot stone massage and I didn't know what I was going to ask for until I sat down in the chair.  Sorry to disappoint most of you, but I kept my hair long.  I know, I know, I need to be a bit more daring, but as I pondered haircuts, I remembered how I always end up regretting major cuts.  We're talking tears, people.  So I ended up with long layers and that is just enough to satisfy my urge to chop for now.  You can see the new cut below from a photo Jon took while house hunting on Sunday.
  
  

  

• Speaking of house hunting, in case you missed my ecstatic tweet on Sunday, we found our dream home!   It's in a neighborhood we love, has the perfect patio for all of our entertaining, a great backyard for our future kids and more bedrooms and bathrooms than what was on our wish list.  It also happens to be a foreclosure, which means the price is great (grand! wonderful!), but the road to get it will be a long one paved with a lot of uncertainty.
  
  Basically it's a dream come true but I swear to God it's already giving me an ulcer.  As much as we're trying not to get emotionally attached, it's all Jon and I can think and talk about.  We're so afraid that someone else is going to come and snatch it away from us so that's making our offer strategy really difficult to formulate.  Offers are not being accepted until this weekend, which gives us a little time to think about things, but that also means it gives us a lot of time to stress over things. 
  
  Bottom line: We are in love with a house and will cry very, very hard if we don't get it.
  
  (I'm not posting any photos of it until there are keys in my hand for fear of jinxing us.)

• While we're talking about house hunting, let me mention how hard it is to locate a W-2 from a job I held in 2007 when it's packed in some box in my parent's basement.  Poor Jon has had to listen to a lot of shrieky "This is why we need our own house because I would know where it is!!" rants from me lately.  Also, I had a very major cry and breakdown tonight as Fidelity would not let me access my (also required) 401(k) stuff online because I forgot my pin.  The call center wouldn't help me because even though I could supply them with my SSN, I did not have my account number on hand because guess what?  That stuff is also in a box in an undetermined location! 
  
  Buying a foreclosed home requires a whole lot more evidence of funds and documentation and general jumping through hoops than a regular home sale.  Thank god my emotional state is not affected by pregnancy or Clomid just yet because I imagine my reaction to things would be a lot worse than what they've been.  DEEP BREATH.

• Oh, and I turned 28 yesterday!  Since I've been too busy crying over missing W-2's I have not yet had the chance to cry over the fact that I'm so close to 30.  It was really a lovely birthday though and I was generously spoiled by my loved ones.  I think my favorite gift was imported olive oil from Jon.  You're probably scratching your heads over that, but what you don't know is that it's a very special olive oil that we discovered while in France last year.  Eating crusty French bread and olive oil is one of our favorite after-work rituals and we just recently ran out of that special one.  Jon searched for it and actually found it online and spent more than I would like to spend on a freaking jug of olive oil, but believe me, it is so worth it.

• Finally, I also started my new job yesterday.  I'm in orientation until Thursday and then I finally report to actual work on Friday.  It is so nice to leave work at 4:00 and be home by 4:30!  I'm not going to know what to do with all of this free time.  Actually, I do.  I'm not going to be able to check blogs at work anymore, so you won't see me around on Twitter or your blogs until the evenings.  That's okay though...it's about time I got a job that will occupy all my time during work hours!  I met a really nice girl who will be working in my department and that's a huge relief for a nervous Nelly like me.  I hate being the new girl in the office, so I'm thrilled that she'll be a newbie with me.

A List (Because I'm Lazy)

1.  I received word on Friday that I passed my background investigation (which I started back in April, unbelievably) and was finally extended my official job offer.  I am beyond relieved, excited and READY to get started in my new position.  Coincidentally, my start date falls on my birthday.  I'm taking that as a very good sign. 

The only things left to stress out about are a) telling my current supervisor that I'm leaving (is it just me or is that conversation one of the most awkward known to man?) and b) telling my new supervisor that I got knocked up while waiting for my background clearance (probably the most awkward conversation known to man, err, woman).

2.  This might come as a shock to most of you, but I don't miss alcohol (yet).  I think a lot of that has to do with even poor, innocuous water having a taste the past months (dude, it did; ask any pregnant woman!), but so far not being able to drink has been met with a "Meh" attitude by me. 

Remind me I said this in about a month when all of the wine festivals are in town or in two months when we visit the original Margaritaville in Key West or during the holidays when my dad makes his famous glühwein.  I think having a precious baby in March will still be enough to make me say "Meh", though it may be a smidge less resounding.

3.  Public Service Announcement:  RSVP, RSVP, RSVP.  Why?  It's the polite thing to do and makes planning a party a whole lot easier.  And when the hostess contacts you to find out if you're a yes or no, for the love of God and Miss Manners, call or text her back.

For what it's worth, bridal shower invitees = good RSVPers.  Graduation party invitees = bad RSVPers.  Think it has anything to do with gender?

4.  I had the most disturbing dream last night and I'm blaming it on the Charles Manson special I watched on the History Channel yesterday after work.  Basically, I was being held by some woman whom I knew was going to kill me.  I showed her ultrasound photos of our baby in an effort to garner sympathy and mercy but it didn't work.  She had me face a wall so that she could shoot me from behind.  I waited and waited while she loaded her gun.  When she finally did shoot, I didn't really feel pain but more like I was drowning in my own blood.  I realized I was still alive, but could feel the life seeping out me.  Lola was suddenly there and I picked her up and held her to me.  I guess I must have died because then I woke up.  I've heard that you have some really messed up dreams when you're pregnant, but this one was just crazy.  

5.  Jon and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary on September 1st.  Since we can't afford a Caribbean anniversarymoon this year, we're extending our trip to Florida for my cousin's wedding into an anniversarymoon.  Jon found us a great deal on flights many months ago and we're using our timeshare to do a few days in Key West and a few days in Orlando (yay, Epcot Food & Wine Festival!) before heading down to Naples for the wedding.  I am so excited!  I've always wanted to do a road trip with Jon and this will essentially be a road trip since we'll be driving between all of the destinations.  This will be our last trip before baby so it will be extra special.  Plus, it's kind of nice to be home for our actual anniversary because that allowed me to order a mini replica of our wedding cake to enjoy!  Mmmm...raspberry comfiture laced throughout amaretto cake with buttercream frosting, here I come!

On the Negative and Positive

There's something I've avoided writing about until now for fear of jinxing myself and/or being found out.  I'm at the point now though where I just can't take it anymore and I have to share it with you all so here's my story in all it's ridiculousness.

As I've mentioned before, the new job I was offered months ago requires a very extensive background check which involves checking references from every job I've held in the past 10 years (which is a lot), talking to my past and present neighbors from those 10 years, meeting with my closest friends (I had to eventually list about 20 different people representing different facets of my life), a psychological test and evaluation with a psychologist and a polygraph test.

Out of all those things, I was most anxious about the psychological evaluation because I've been treated for depression and anxiety in the past and was afraid they would hold that against me, even though I'm better and not on any medication and it would have no bearing on my job.  Well, I passed that with flying colors and I'm actually quite certain I charmed the pants off of the psychologist.

It turns out I should have been more worried about the polygraph.  I would have to say that taking that polygraph test ranks in the Top Five Most Horrible Things That I've Ever Been Through.  It all started out just fine.  They ask you a series of easy test questions to establish a baseline to determine your body's reaction when you're lying and when you're telling the truth.  They hook you up to all sorts of wires, a blood pressure cuff and you sit on a butt pad sort of thing that measures any shifting in your seat.  You truly look like you've been abducted by aliens for a probe with all of the wires coming off of you.

Once your baseline is established, the real test begins.  The rules are simple:  Tell the truth.  As long as you tell the truth, you'll pass the test.  Easy enough, right?  Wrong.  WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.  I will swear to God until the day I die that those tests are inaccurate.

I was fine through the first set of questions.  Passed them like a piece of cake.  Am I a terrorist?  NO.  Easy.  The next set of questions were a different story.  These questions involved criminal activity, accurate answers on my employment application and any illegal drug history.  I passed the first two questions just fine.  I'm too much of a goody-goody to have ever gotten in trouble with the law and I answered every question on my application truthfully and to the best of my knowledge. 

Admittedly, I was very nervous about the drug question even though I had no good reason to be.  I have never done an illegal drug in my life and I'm quite proud to say that.  I've been tempted sure, but by the time I graduated college and was no longer subjected to random drug tests by the NCAA, I said to myself, "Self, you've gotten this far without doing them, why start now?"  And I never did.  The reason I was nervous about it though was because my mother failed this very section on her polygraph almost twenty years ago and she has never done a drug in her life.  My mom is where I get my straight arrow tendencies from.  Still, she failed it (twice!) and refused to go back and try again because she was so offended.  So I had that in the back of my mind the whole time, but I shared my concerns with my tester and she said I would be fine as long as I told the truth.

Well, I failed.  Miserably.  After the set of questions was over, my tester turned off the machine, pushed her chair back from her desk and said, "Katie, what are you hiding?"  I was floored.  I explained and explained some more how I've never done a drug in my life but she didn't believe me.  Apparently her test doesn't lie.  Bullshit!  She repeated the test and I failed again.  At this point, she turned into an interrogator.  "Why are you lying, Katie?  What aren't you telling me?"  I was holding back tears, trying desperately not to cry.  I went through every situation where I've ever been in the presence of drugs (but didn't partake) and she said, "Well, if you didn't do them, that shouldn't matter."  She even offered to show me pictures of drugs to "jog my memory."

That's when I almost lost it.  I told her, "Frankly, I'm getting really pissed off that I'm telling the truth and you and your machine don't believe me."  I was livid.  She was treating me like a lying, no-good crackhead and I was not happy about it.  I was completely offended.  So she decided to take all of the drug questions out of the test and make them into their own test, worded in a different way.  I said fine, bring it on.  And wouldn't you know I passed each and every one of them then?

Only trouble is that for some reason, I had to retake the criminal activity and application accuracy questions since they had been taken out of the original set of questions to ask the drug questions separately.  Don't ask me why, but they had to be redone.  And I freaking failed those the second time around!!  My head just about fucking exploded.  I asked her, "How can I pass those questions the first time around, then fail them the second time?"  She replied, "Well maybe you were so focused on being deceptive about the drug questions that those other questions flew under the radar."  And that's when my head actually did explode.

At that point, I had been taking the polygraph for almost two hours and had maxed out the allowable amount of questions they can ask you.  I was told that I would have to come back at a later date to try again.  The thing is, they want you to pass.  You can take the polygraph as many times as it takes you to pass.  And the irony of it all?  You can get hired if you've done drugs in the past.  You just have to be honest about it.  But I was honest!!  ARGH.  I was so upset that I called Jon bawling as soon as I got out of there.  It was nearly noon so he took me out to lunch where I drank a very large margarita.  My honey always knows when I need a drink!  He took my miserable ass home where, to make me feel better, we, ahem, enjoyed some married people time.

It was a couple of weekends later when I noticed that my boobs were quite tender and I was having some weird cramping sensations in my stomach.  I decided to take a pregnancy test just to shut up the little voice in my head that was telling me I must be pregnant.  Imagine my shock when I saw this:

And imagine our elation when we saw this and a very fast heartbeat on Wednesday:

 

Yes, that's right, we're having a baby!  Unbelieveably, she or he was conceived on that fateful day!  Expected arrival date: March 5, 2010.  More details coming soon, but I figured this post was long enough already.

P.S.  For the record, I'm taking my second polygraph on Monday.  Wish me luck!

Right Now

I can't say that I feel too terrible about being such a sporadic blogger this summer because from the looks of my Google Reader, it seems that mostly everyone else has scaled back on their writing too.  There are bike rides to be had and snowballs to be consumed and evening walks for not one, not two, but three "can only walk by myself" dogs.  Truth be told, Jonathan and I have settled into a pretty nice routine at my parent's house. 

It's up at 5:25 AM for me, out the door by 6:00 AM and at work by 7:30 AM.  Then I'm headed home at 4:00 PM, arriving on the doorstep anywhere from 5:30 PM (on a very good day) to 7:00 PM (on a very, very bad day, usually Fridays).  If I get home early enough, I'll head out for a quick bike ride or run so that I can actually enjoy the summer air for a bit, then I head right into the kitchen where either I help my dad prep dinner or he helps me.  We enjoy cooking together and always get a laugh out of the three furry sous chefs just waiting to lend a paw (or floor cleaning duties!).  Jon has also been contributing a meal a week lately but I know better than to be in the kitchen with him.  Three years of cooking in our cramped condo kitchen taught us that it's better if just one of us handles the cooking at a time!

Speaking of my husband, he has just one whole class left in his MBA program.  Just one measly three to four hour class and he's done!  To say that he is thrilled would be an understatement.  He can't wait to take back his evenings and weekends and to never again have to worry about exams or papers or group projects.  I just can't wait to have Jonathan back full time!  He starts his new job in Maryland the beginning of August and we're both relieved that his sucky commute to DC will be over in less than a month.  Did I mention that we'll be working for the same government agency?  We'll be in completely different departments, of course, but it will be nice to do lunch with him every now and then and perhaps carpool together if we have the same schedules. 

As for my new job, I'm still waiting for my clearance to come through.  It's been a really long road involving polygraphs and psychological evaluations and a ridiculous ten year background investigation into my past jobs and neighbors and frankly, I'm just anxious to be done with it and get on board.  I mean, really...ten years takes me back to jobs I held in high school.  You try remembering your supervisor's name for the job you had at the mall at seventeen!  I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end and really, the knowledge of what an awesome opportunity it is is the only thing getting me through the horrible commute at this point. 

That's one of the reasons I'm so looking forward to autumn.  I have never, ever wished a summer away like I have this year but there's a thought lurking in the back of my head that the sooner it's over, the sooner I'll be in my new job (which is only a 20 minute commute) and we'll be that much closer to having our own home again.  There are so many good things in store for us that it's really hard to live in the moment right now.  I'm trying my darnedest to enjoy the present and to be thankful for what I have right now, because my life really is quite wonderful as it stands.  Luckily we've had a lot of fun distractions with more to come and I really can't help but feel blessed, right now.  Life is good!

Last year (and quite timely reading back on it!), I mused about my marriage and how grad school was a stressor for us.

Oh, Hello Blog

I don't think I've ever gone a whole week without blogging, save during vacation, and I have to admit, the longer you go without, the easier it is to consider just calling the whole blogging thing off.  But then I think about the friendships I've made and the thought of sharing pictures of our new home (once we have one) and our baby (again, once we have one) and those things are enough to shake that idea off all together.

So, thank you for bearing with me during this period of transition.  I realize I haven't just been absent from my own blog, but there comes a point when you just have to hit "Mark All As Read" and continue on with life and that's exactly what I did this morning.  If I missed some huge announcement, please oblige me and leave it in the comments or send me an e-mail.  I would hate to be the last to know some big, exciting news.  (Though I did catch your "I'm engaged!" post, Katelin, and I'm thrilled for you!)

I still owe you pictures from camping 2 weekends ago and I have new pictures to share, as well, of what might possibly be my best garage sale purchase ever.  I've had quite a lot of fabulous garage sale purchases in my life, so that should just let you know the extent of the awesomeness.  I'll give you a hint until I get around to uploading the pictures: it's pink and it rings and no, it's not a cell phone.

Lastly, my previous post kind of alluded to great things being in store for me and lo, it's already happening!  I had two (yes, two!) job interviews last week and they both went amazingly well.  So amazing, in fact, that it came down to me actually making the decision between the two.  The first position is for the federal government and I'm not sure I can go into much more detail than that, but trust me, it's an incredible opportunity.  The second is actually for the same university that I interviewed with at the beginning of April, and again, it's a great opportunity. 

Both of them would be a promotion and both of them would be in a comfortable commuting distance so it really came down to factors like salary and stability and opportunity, and most importantly, what just felt right.  I picked the first.  The kicker?  I won't be starting for at least 3 months since it requires an extensive background investigation and security clearance, but regardless, I am thrilled and excited and relieved to have found such a perfect-for-me position.  True, I'll be doing the crappy commute for three more months, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

To all my mom friends out there, including the furbaby mommies (because hey, we clean up poop and puke too!), I hope you had a lovely Mother's Day.  Jon and I made donations in our mom's names for two worthy causes and spent Sunday at the ballpark with my mom and dad.  Last year, before we even thought about selling the condo, we bought season tickets for all of the Sunday home games for my beloved O's and are really enjoying them.  Nothing quite beats sitting in the sun with a jumbo ballpark hotdog and a cold beer while watching my favorite team play, especially when surrounded by family.  And the great thing about loving a team that's not exactly the best team?  You can get great seats for not a lot of money! 

Here's a view from our seats (taken with my iPhone):

Ahh, Camden Yards.  One of my favorite places in the whole world.

On Pins and Needles

I'm sorry to leave y'all hanging for almost a whole week...I've been spending so much time in front of the computer at work that I hardly feel like turning mine on when I get home!

You guys are seriously the best, though.  I was feeling particularly anxious and fatalistic last Wednesday, but all of your comments helped me to realize and remember that everything is going to be okay.  And as several of you mentioned, now is not the time to freak out.  An interview is just an interview and there is no guarantee that I'll even be offered the position, so why stress out now?

If I do happen to receive a job offer, I'll need to weigh my options and look at the pros and cons of each, as many of you suggested.  Jon (God love him) took the time to work out all of the financials and concluded that we can definitely make it work, so that is one less thing to worry about.

As for the interview?  I think it went really well, but then again it's sometimes hard to gauge if an interviewer is truly enthusiastic about you as a person and potential employee or if they're just really friendly.  She was very up front with me about the number of applicants they've had and the number of interviews she has conducted and has lined up after mine.  This particular institution has been in a hiring freeze for the past year so the department is very lucky to even be able to fill this position.  What that all boils down to is that they have a lot of highly qualified and desirable applicants for just this one position. 

I was told to expect some news either way by the end of this week and I'm really hoping it's good news because the position sounds ideal for me.  It's high exposure and completely different one day to the next and most importantly, I wouldn't be sitting in a cube all day!  The manager seems lovely and I think I could really learn a lot from her.  I've been checking my iPhone fanatically, hoping for an update but I'm guessing I won't hear anything until Friday because the HR department is notoriously slow.  Until then, I'll be sitting on pins and needles, but will be sure to let you all know the outcome.

Things Further Contributing to an Ulcer

So, uh, guess what?  I have a job interview this afternoon.  A job interview for a company I've been applying with since last year.  An interview for a job that I applied for before I even applied for my new job that I just started on Monday.  You know, the one in Virgina, the one right across the street from our condo which will not be ours as of April 23rd, the one in Benefits, the one that is turning out to be more administrative and less about learning new HR skills.

And this job interview?  Is for a job in Baltimore.  A job that would not be a 50 mile commute each way through DC traffic, a job for a university that would give me 100% tuition reimbursement for my Masters, a job in event planning which is something I've always been interested in, a job that is offering significantly less money than what I'm currently making.

What's a girl to do? 

If you're anything like me, said girl would cry and she would fret and she would cling to her husband in the wee hours of the morning because she can't sleep due to her anxiety and the nook in his arms is the only thing that comforts her and the only thing that feels like the right thing to do.  She would work herself up into such a tizzy that she wouldn't feel like eating, wouldn't feel like blogging and wouldn't be able to believe the predicament she is in.

She would try to calm herself down and try to rationalize and try to remember that she hasn't even been offered the job in Baltimore yet so there. is. no. situation., but all fellow anxiety sufferers will know that once your mind gets going, it's hard to to talk it down off that ledge of doubt and fear and delirium.

She would feel incredibly lucky and blessed to find herself in this situation, especially considering the status quo of the job market, but all she keeps thinking about are the what if's, and the proper etiquette and the conversations she'll need to have if things move forward.  She's confided in trusted co-workers and they've all said that she must think of herself first, but she can't help but feel bad already.

Sigh.  What would you do?

Things Are Looking Up Indeed

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my big announcement yesterday!  I feel lucky, blessed, rewarded and thrilled to be given this opportunity.  I've been a contractor here since August 2007 and have wanted nothing more than to be offered a full-time position, especially since Jonathan and I have been not not trying to have a baby, making a job with maternity benefits all the more important.  My first day will be March 30th so expect some nervous tweets on that day!

Our second Open House is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon and we're really hoping the beautiful weather will encourage more people to get out and go house-hunting.  Wouldn't that make for a fabulous week...a job offer and an offer on our condo?!  Since we'll need to be out of the condo tomorrow, Jon and I are going to our favorite driving range, Top Golf, for a golf date.  We don't get to see much of each other with him in school three nights a week, so I'm very excited for some one-on-one time with my hubby, especially in the beautiful weather. The last time we went, there was a huge thunderstorm which soaked the wooden staircase to the upper deck which I then fell down (like feet up in the air fell down, with my clubs!) on our way out.  My pride was sore for a minute, but my bum hurt for a week!

So what's on your agenda this weekend?  Fellow Virginians and other mid-Atlantic peeps, I hope you'll be outside enjoying this heat wave :)

Grace Neuf

I GOT THE JOB!!!